Tooth. Hurts. Like. Hell.

So i sit here, as the orajel begins to numb my mouth, growing weary as the time passes. Thinking not of the past, but in the distant future. Making lists and plans, because that's what i am. a list maker. Not to label myself, even though i am perfectly content with the bland title, for now anyway. With foma lyrics stuck in my head and room temperature water soothing my throat, i slowly begin to ease into my bed, getting comfier by the minute.

I love writing my life like a book. Each page working towards a much bigger plot. It truly inspires me. I'm always talking about how i don't want to loose who i am right now, and who my friends are, my interests. I'm adding to that list "the ability to constantly amaze and inspire myself." Because i was the child who took my fourth grade teacher too seriously when she asked me "If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only bring three items, what would they be?" I've been thinking about this lately, how our ideas and goals shift and change so often as we grow older. I was sitting by a fire with some great friends recently. Some new, some old, some i had just met that day. We talked about how we wished we could just keep this moment. this place in time. I told them about friends that are older than me that I've known for years. I saw them in their teen years and eventually adulthood and growing up. I saw them change and drift away almost. I don't want that to be me.

I want to always have my friends, always have my music, always have fun, and most importantly always have me. In middle school my friends and I would just have fun. We didn't care what anyone thought as long as we were having a good time. I've tried mimicking this a million times by now, and let me tell you, trying not to care always fails. My friend (who's name i will not mention) Who i have known since the 7th grade used to be my best friend. a few years ago, i would've done anything for her. I just this weekend realized that she hasn't been a good friend in any sense. She doesn't have respect for herself, so it makes her incapable of having respect for anyone else. I'm not sure i really ended it on a clear note, but instead of ending our friendship with a fight, i just showed myself the truth, and the truth is that i won't be hanging out with her voluntarily for awhile. I don't know exactly what I'm getting into or if I'm making the right decisions, but i do know that i am happy right here, right now. I guess this is part of growing up and finding myself.

Anyway, i just got really deep there. So with that said, let this be a testament that i can go back and read and remember how i felt in this moment, on this day. Also that I've got a heroes finale to watch a day late! Watch out for a blog about it tomorrow. Until then, Peace.